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Target Practice Part I

~ Deb Vilas ~ 1 Comment

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As a child life specialist, I’ve seen countless examples of play transforming a child’s mood in the hospital environment. I remember well the day when Steven lay curled in a ball beneath the covers in his hospital bed, his caffe latte bald head hiding beneath the sheets. He had not showed up in the playroom that afternoon, which was unusual. This was one of those kids who waited eagerly outside the door each day for the playroom to open and was often the last to skate his IV pole back to his room at the end of the day. I had yet to see Steven without a smile on his round, open face. He was a content child with a quiet maturity that went well beyond his seven years. He took his medical treatment in stride and enjoyed the company of his brother and sisters, as well as just about every activity the playroom had to offer.

But not this day. It was mid-afternoon and we had yet to see a glimpse of Steven. His mother stopped by and informed me that Steven had an infection in his Broviak catheter and that it would have to be surgically removed.

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Caring in Cameroon

~ Deb Vilas ~ 2 Comments

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When we observe anything in this world, our perspective is tightly interconnected with our cultural context. As we grow from the egocentrism of childhood to a more expansive view as adults, we may see that not everyone comes from our circumstances, shares our belief system or our way of doing things. At the age of 52, I was a late bloomer in my foray into other cultures. But travel to New Zealand and the Palestinian Territories in 2014, and speaking at the first International Summit on Pediatric Psychosocial Services began a process that continues today. I have learned that “Child Life” has many names and forms across the globe.

As I cast a wide net with my blog, trying to see how I can do the most good, it occurred to me that I could use it as a platform for getting out the good word about what people are doing in other countries to make life better for children in and out of hospitals. So every so often, I will choose a country and share the story of a colleague who is holding the torch of kindness to dispel the darkness of fear and pain for sick children.

My first spotlight is on Macdonald Doh, my honorary son and a head nurse in the Emergency Department of the Yaounde Gynaeco-Obstetrics and Pediatric Hospital in Cameroon, Africa. I met him at the CLC Summit where he represented his country along with 45 delegates from all over the world.  In Cameroon, there is one doctor to every 10,000 people, as compared with 2.4 doctors per 1,000 in the USA. Continue reading →

Remembering Margaret

~ Deb Vilas ~ Leave a comment

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It took a long time for Margaret to warm up to me. After all, not only did she see me as a rival for her first born’s affections, but I was a Shiksa with a minister for a father. That was a hard pill to swallow for someone who survived the Holocaust at such a tender age. And I took some time warming up to her as well. I was 22 years old when I met her, immature and insecure.  I was resentful of her complicated relationship with Jeff.   I felt helpless in the face of her traumatic history and suffering. It overwhelmed me. I kept a defensive and wary distance.

But thirty years is a long time. On weekends and holidays, I sat at her table, and she sat at mine. I enjoyed her soup. She critiqued my Thanksgiving turkey. And I don’t know if it was the psychotherapy we each had or the passing of time, but something shifted over the years in subtle and big ways. Continue reading →

I am Not a Mother – Or am I?

~ Deb Vilas ~ 5 Comments

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I am not a mother — or at least I am not in any literal sense of the word. At the age of 53, I have never had children. Nor have I adopted any. And no matter how much I joke about my dog being my “child with fur”, I know that she really doesn’t count.

And yet, I have spent much of my adult life caring for children and young people in one way or another, as a child life specialist, a teacher, an honorary aunt and fairy godmother. I have also devoted the past 14 years of my career to teaching and advising others about how to best meet the needs of developing children. Sometimes I even feel a sense of deep maternal care and investment in my adult students, many of whom are millennials young enough to be my children.

But I am not a mother.  So what does this mean when Mother’s Day rolls around? Continue reading →