Child Abuse Prevention

~ Deb Vilas ~ 4 Comments

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Thank you so much for joining me on my blogging adventure. It may take me some time to find my groove, and you may see me jumping around a bit to different topics. Please comment on which topics are of most interest to you, and I will do my best to give you what you need and enjoy.

Today, I am writing on one of the topics I had in mind when I set up this website – advice for child life specialists, but my hope is that it will be helpful for teachers and caregivers as well. A wise man, Jon Luongo, advised me that I have a great deal of writing material squirreled away in the posts I have been making to the Child Life Forum for a number of years. Today I responded to a request on the Forum for information and resources regarding running a workshop for parents/caregivers on child abuse prevention. Below is the gist of my response. Continue reading →

Tilling

~ Deb Vilas ~ 2 Comments

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A cluster of school children spill onto the bridle path from an entrance on the upper west side of Manhattan. They emanate pent-up energy and their voices crescendo as they discover the reservoir vista. I register some mild annoyance at their squealing, but it only takes me a moment to recalibrate and appreciate their excitement. They overtake me and I walk for a bit beside the noisy group, eavesdropping on their exuberance and their teacher’s failing attempts to curtail it.

“Stop walking that way. Walk like this. Pick up your feet!” Continue reading →

The Box

~ Deb Vilas ~ 5 Comments

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 Juan was a 7-year-old, sturdy kid with shortly-cropped black hair in the first grade at an inner city public school. Juan’ teacher asked me to work with him on his social skills and impulsivity. My mode of working with children is based on the principles of the child-centered approach, which calls for unconditional positive regard for the child and trust in the child’s ability to find his own way towards healing. This removes the adult-driven agenda as one creates an emotionally supportive play space in which the child explores avenues of his own healing.

The first time I brought Juan into the playroom, he knew exactly what to do.

The toys in my portable play toolkit were chosen to encourage expressive and dramatic play: human figures, rescue vehicles, a toy medical kit, crayons, and playdough. During our weekly sessions, the room itself became part of the play space as well, with its piles of school materials. Each session, Juan would initiate play and instruct me how to play. I served as a willing participant, but I strove to remain in a subservient role, allowing him to direct my actions to suit his needs. I acted as both participant and witness, narrating his play and giving words to the emotions that he played out before me.

Themes emerged, as did routines. One in particular was a challenge for me. At the end of every session, he would avoid putting a stop to his play and refuse to return to the classroom. He would hide behind furniture and boxes, making me feel like an ogre as I prodded and cajoled him out the door. Continue reading →

Remembering Margaret

~ Deb Vilas ~ Leave a comment

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It took a long time for Margaret to warm up to me. After all, not only did she see me as a rival for her first born’s affections, but I was a Shiksa with a minister for a father. That was a hard pill to swallow for someone who survived the Holocaust at such a tender age. And I took some time warming up to her as well. I was 22 years old when I met her, immature and insecure.  I was resentful of her complicated relationship with Jeff.   I felt helpless in the face of her traumatic history and suffering. It overwhelmed me. I kept a defensive and wary distance.

But thirty years is a long time. On weekends and holidays, I sat at her table, and she sat at mine. I enjoyed her soup. She critiqued my Thanksgiving turkey. And I don’t know if it was the psychotherapy we each had or the passing of time, but something shifted over the years in subtle and big ways. Continue reading →

I am Not a Mother – Or am I?

~ Deb Vilas ~ 5 Comments

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I am not a mother — or at least I am not in any literal sense of the word. At the age of 53, I have never had children. Nor have I adopted any. And no matter how much I joke about my dog being my “child with fur”, I know that she really doesn’t count.

And yet, I have spent much of my adult life caring for children and young people in one way or another, as a child life specialist, a teacher, an honorary aunt and fairy godmother. I have also devoted the past 14 years of my career to teaching and advising others about how to best meet the needs of developing children. Sometimes I even feel a sense of deep maternal care and investment in my adult students, many of whom are millennials young enough to be my children.

But I am not a mother.  So what does this mean when Mother’s Day rolls around? Continue reading →

Holy Moly! I can’t believe I am blogging!

~ Deb Vilas ~ 4 Comments

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I have finally entered the 21st Century. With the limitless patience and help of Shani Thornton, I am finally able to take my first tentative steps into the world of blogging. Stay tuned for many adventures to come.