Be a helper: Responding to the separation of children and families at our borders

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The images of immigrant children separated from parents and the sounds of their cries are permeating my days and nights. For many parents, grandparents, teachers, child life specialists, and mental health professionals, the cruelty and violations of human rights being committed against innocent children are leaving us reeling and wondering what to do. For me, it brings to mind children of the Holocaust, including the Children of Lidice whom I learned of during my work in the Czech Republic. When dehumanization is a matter of government policy, how far are we from the atrocities suffered by children during World War II, and by children today who flee with their families for their safety from countries torn by war, terrorism, and poverty?

The American Academy of Pediatrics has released a statement opposing the separation of children from their families at our borders. They refer to the actions of our government as child abuse and speak to the long-term damage that this will cause to the developing brains of these children.

“Separating children from their parents contradicts everything we stand for as pediatricians – protecting and promoting children’s health. In fact, highly stressful experiences, like family separation, can cause irreparable harm, disrupting a child’s brain architecture and affecting his or her short- and long-term health. This type of prolonged exposure to serious stress – known as toxic stress – can carry lifelong consequences for children.”

 

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https://www.technicalfriends.com/immigrant-children-can-shelter-staff-hold-comfort-those-separated-from-parents/

 

Many professionals and lay-people are wondering what we can do to help. Many of us are signing petitions, calling our senators and representatives, and coordinating to demonstrate in Washington, DC and in our own home states.  The Association of Child Life Professionals  ACLP issued this statement opposing the traumatic separation of children from their families by Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

ACLP shares the concerns outlined in the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) Policy Statement on the Detention of Immigrant Childrenand urges that all children housed in government facilities receive evidence-based, developmentally appropriate care in order to minimize the negative psychological impact of family separation. Any facility housing children should be staffed with professionals trained in child development and the emotional and psychosocial care of children. ACLP urges the Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Justice to limit family separation and encourages U.S. policymakers to advocate for the emotional and physical safety needs of all children.

 

I reached out to  Child Life Disaster Relief , and they have released this statement:

Child Life Disaster Relief is currently working thoughtfully to determine how we can support children and families being effected in a purposeful, sustainable, and effective manner.  We will provide updates on this progress as soon as any are available. In the meantime, if you are looking for action to take, please contact your state representatives and express your professional opposition to this crisis.

Some of my Bank Street College colleagues are volunteering with the New Sanctuary Coalition to support immigrants and families moving through the NYC court system, an extraordinarily dehumanizing encounter in and of itself. Add to it the fact that family members (including children) are afraid to show up to support their detained loved ones, for fear that they too will be detained and shackled (Yes, detainees, some who have lived in this country for many years, are dressed in orange jumpsuits and shackled for court appearances and transportation!).  Mayor DeBlasio spoke out about NYC’s role in the federal process. We have over 200 children in East Harlem, a stone’s throw away from where I live, being dumped into an over-saturated fostercare system that is broken in the best of times. The federal government refuses to tell the mayor and our governor where these children are being held

As if that weren’t enough to shatter these children — THERE IS NO PLAN IN PLACE TO REUNITE THEM WITH THEIR FAMILIES! It feels unspeakable to even write that down. The damage that has been done to these children will affect them the rest of their lives.

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http://www.newsweek.com/jeff-sessions-children-parents-border-912972

It is disturbing to write this — to choose images to portray the depth of this cruelty — to not have easy answers to warm our hearts — Let our hearts not be warmed — Let them instead be ignited in flames of outrage! Let our voices be heard – to amplify the cries of the children. Let us not be bystanders. Let us communicate our horror to our representatives in government. Let us step in and vote in ways that will not allow for this kind of thing to become another Holocaust. Let us search our communities for volunteer opportunities to offer direct aid to these children and families. Let us lend our financial support to organizations like the ACLU that has the clout and structure to approach this disaster. Check out individual families in need on sites like https://actionnetwork.org/groups/raices-refugee-and-immigrant-center-for-education-and-legal-serviceshttps://www.gofundme.com, and https://www.crowdfunding.com/

Our children ARE our humanity – and all children are OUR CHILDREN.

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Frightened Teens: Supporting Your Adolescent in Scary Times

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Another Shooting.

It takes all of our strength as grown-ups to not give in to despair, anxiety, and fear in the face of yet another young person accessing an assault rifle and murdering his peers. School is supposed to be a safe place for all children — teens included.

As the political debates about gun control make our brains feel like exploding, we have to remember to reach out to the adolescents in our care. If it is that tough for us to wrap our heads around, how much harder is it for teens? We must be proactive in engaging teens in conversation every day, about life, about what is important to them, and about the awful things that happen in the world. When something truly terrible happens, it is even more important to take the time to listen, witness, and validate their struggles. And this often means admitting that we don’t have the answers.

Teens have the capacity to reason, to wrestle with abstract concepts, and to articulate their feelings. But their brains are still developing, as is their self-concept, their ideas about who they are in the world. A random act of extreme violence will shake their new identities and burgeoning belief systems to the core, and they need calm, kind adults to prop them up as they try to make sense of their new reality. They need to know what to expect as much as possible, who they can count on. We know it isn’t always easy, so here are a few tips from the experts.

Tips For talking with Teens

What Mental Health Experts say to Their Kids

Fear and trauma responses can sometimes look like anger and disconnect. The teen who is suffering the most, without the ability to articulate and share their feelings, may be the one who needs your best efforts. Often teens find it easier to talk about tough topics when they are involved in an activity. Consider a cooking project, or gathering some art supplies, maybe magazines for collage. Or how about the ingredients to make a mini volcano? As you create something together, you can talk about how the shooter was a volcano waiting to blow, and how many feelings are often seething underneath. The teen can write down questions they have about life or list things that make them feel like blowing their top, and these items can be folded and put into the volcano before you set off the eruption together.

Volcano!

Introduction

This technique helps release anger through a structured activity providing an opportunity to discuss anger and to problem solve. It works well individually and in groups with preschoolers to teens.

Materials

  • Small paper cup or medicine cup (Dixie brand bathroom cups work great)
  • Plastic cereal bowl
  • One container of Play-Dough (The kind that comes in a 4-pack) or homemade.
  • White vinegar
  • Dishwashing liquid
  • Baking soda
  • Red and yellow food coloring
  • Teaspoon

Activity

  • Place a small paper cup upright on top of an upside-down plastic bowl. Secure it with a few pieces of tape.  Wrap it in play dough to make a volcano, leaving the mouth of the cup open.  Pour ¼ cup white vinegar, two squirts of dishwashing liquid, and several drops of food coloring into the “mouth” of the volcano.
  • If the child wishes, they can write down or dictate things that upset them (make them scared or angry or mad) on tiny pieces of paper and place them in the volcano.
  • Spoon in a heaping teaspoon of baking soda and watch the eruption!
  • For instant replays, alternate adding a little more baking soda and vinegar. A group can make a larger volcano using a large salad bowl and more playdough. Miniature people, animals, and props can be added to add aspects of dramatic play.

 

 

 

 

 

Spotlight: Child Life Intern in Community-Based Practice

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This week, I will spotlight a Canadian career changer as a guest blogger.  Kim Zink is  currently completing her child life internship in a community-based practice with mentor, Morgan Livingstone, a CCLS based out of Toronto, Ontario. Kim left her position in the school board to focus and refine her scope of practice to assisting children and families facing challenging life events.   She sensed the need for more psychosocial supports and greater visibility of child life services in the Ottawa region. So, with the support of her husband, two children, and extended family, she is chasing her dream!

 

This internship has been the perfect fit for me.  My mentor has been working in her own practice for many years, so she has a broad network of community resources and wealth of knowledge in many areas including global health, retinoblastoma, and traumatic brain injuries. She also wrote an incredible parent guide for families affected by breast cancer (including metastatic disease).

 

My internship has been full and rich. My first rotation took place at the Shoe4Africa Children’s Hospital and the Sally Test Pediatric Centre in Eldoret, Kenya. Morgan has been developing a self-sustained child life program there for many years. It was invaluable to see the robust program which now includes a number of child life specialists, teachers, playroom monitors and child life assistants. The team endearingly refer to Morgan as  ‘ our mwalimu,’ which means teacher in Swahili. Morgan served as an example of how to be patient-centered and culturally sensitive in global healthcare, no easy task.

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While we were there, I was invited to sit in on an oncology meeting. It was deeply moving and inspiring to hear the doctors speak so highly of the child life staff to the families. The doctors spoke of being a team and that families should refer to child life with any questions about their child’s developmental, social and emotional needs. The child life team has built an advanced practice and a great interdisciplinary approach. Unfortunately, in some areas, the pain medications and ideal supplies are not available, so I had the opportunity to offer distractions through games on a tablet and meteor storm toy to bring the child’s  attention away from the burned areas and bandage changes during procedures. It was a proud moment for me when the doctor told me that the best bandage change a particular boy had ever had and that I was welcome back anytime.

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The hospital sees over 300 children every day, and sadly many of the children are not brought to the hospital until their illness has progressed to the palliative state. So we turned our focus to legacy building and adding quality to end of life.  One simple and inexpensive legacy activity that worked well was making a salt dough handprint for each family.

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During my second rotation, I relocated to Toronto to intern in Morgan’s local private practice. She sees a number of teen patients, which was a demographic I knew I needed more experience with. I discovered it’s key to listen carefully to their interests and then go home and study up on these interests to gain common ground for future conversation and show teens that you listen and care about what they have to say. So now I  know  more about the ins and outs of  making slime and the youtube channel, Simply Nailogical, than I ever thought possible. This research paved the way to building rapport and trust with one teen in particular. Showing interest in her interests was a great connector.

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My future work in child life has also be enhanced by working with my mentor on traumatic brain injury cases. I had the opportunity to see treatment plans, do home visits, sit in on team meetings, and understand the billing process through insurance providers. During a recent conference call, a teen’s mother said, “Things started to finally turn around when Morgan was added to the rehab team and started her sessions. She [the teen] found the tools and started to cope, she really improved with Morgan’s help.”

My latest adventure in my internship included a trip to Washington, DC for the One Retinoblastoma World Conference. I had the privilege of assisting Morgan with the child life programming, which included transformative literacy, medical play, and lots of activities with special eyes. It was great to see one child move from fear to familiarization with the sedation mask. Another child displayed new skills of mastery by using the medical doll to practice cleaning and adjusting an ocular prosthesis. Still another young child spoke openly about having a special eye, as he called it, for the first time. One of the teens overheard and said: “Me too, and I like to take mine out with a suction cup.” There is nothing like these spontaneous conversations to bring about that reassurance of ‘sameness” and soothe constant feelings of being different from everyone else.

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Above all, I will finish my internship with ample understanding of what it means to be an advocate for children. Morgan is a tireless champion for her patients, working to be sure they have everything, from a great relationship with their general physician to the correct supports from their school. She moves mountains to make sure the children and teens in her care have everything they need to be happy, healthy children. We need more child life specialists doing this work in the broader community.

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PS: Navigating independent and Canadian internship possibilities has its challenges. I highly recommend the Facebook group for ‘Child Life for Canadian Students’ and http://www.cacll.org/

Continue reading

How to talk to kids about the Las Vegas mass shooting

 

I have no words, so today I reach to Katie Kindelan for hers. The following is reprinted from ABC News  website

By KATIE KINDELAN

Oct 2, 2017, 2:09 PM ET

 

When Vickie Nieto digested the news this morning that at least 58 people died in a mass shooting in Las Vegas, the first thing she thought about was what she would tell her two daughters, ages 10 and 14.

“My 10 year-old heard about it on the TV before school,” Nieto, of Land O’ Lakes, Florida, told ABC News. “I didn’t want to tell her about it because I didn’t want to scare her.”

Nieto said her fifth grade daughter is “already scared about school shootings because they have to practice for them at school.”

But this morning, many people like Nieto woke up to the news of a mass shooting at the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival in Las Vegas, where a gunman opened fire on a music festival crowd, starting just after 10 p.m. local time Sunday. At least 58 people were killed and 515 were injured.

In the wake of the shooting, the Las Vegas Police Department said authorities responded to a hotel room on the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay hotel, where police said the suspected gunman, 64-year-old Stephen Paddock, was dead. Police said they believe Paddock, of Mesquite, Nevada, killed himself prior to police entry.

Many parents and caregivers were faced with conversations about the mass shooting even before children left for school.

‘Parents should let their kids know that, ‘I’m here to answer any questions you may have, any worries you have we can discuss,”

For others, the conversation about the tragedy could begin when kids return from school, after they may have heard about the shooting from classmates or teachers.

“It’s important for parents to start the conversation,” said Robin Gurwitch, a psychologist at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina. “As much as we would like to wrap our arms around our children and try to keep anything bad from getting through, it’s unrealistic that we have that ability.”

Gurwitch, also a member of the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, said that the conversation parents have with children should be age-appropriate.

For children old enough to understand what happened, parents should focus on letting them know that they are not in specific danger.

“Help them understand that there was a shooting in Las Vegas and many families were out listening to music when somebody, for unknown reasons, started shooting people,” Gurwitch said. “And tell them that because the police responded so quickly [the suspected gunman] is no longer a threat.”

Dr. Lee Beers, a pediatrician at Children’s National Health System in Washington, D.C., said a tragedy does not have to be a trauma for children if it is “buffered by good, strong and caring relationships, by the adults around the child.”

She also recommends different responses for different ages, and individualizing the approach for each child.

Preschool age: This is a time when parents have a high level of control over what their children see and hear so it does not need to be brought up unless a child hears about it first. In that case, Beers recommends making sure the child knows you are there to answer any questions.

Elementary school age: This is an age when parents should preemptively help their child know about the tragedy and share basic details and leave the door open for them to ask questions, according to Beers.

Middle and high school age: Beers advises having a more detailed conversation with children. Start by asking questions like, “Have you heard about this?” and “What do you think about this?” to find out what they know and what may be bothering them.

In the Las Vegas shooting, videos taken by onlookers and shared on social media gave a glimpse of the chaos during and after the shooting.

“So hard to raise a child in this country these days,” posted one mom on Facebook. “There doesn’t appear to be anywhere that’s safe.”

Gurwitch said the visual aspect of the shooting should give parents even more of a reason to speak with their children openly and candidly, according to their ages.

“Parents should let their kids know that, ‘I’m here to answer any questions you may have, any worries you have we can discuss,’” she said. “Check in at the end of the day to see what their friends were talking about at school and what they saw on social media so they have an idea of where they’re starting from and how to continue the conversation.”

Seeing frightening images repeatedly can be traumatic for children, so talking about the images and limiting exposure to them can be important.

“Repeated exposure to viewings really does increase the stress and trauma in your emotions, in the way that you respond to it,” Beers said. “It’s very tempting to watch the coverage 24-7 so I think really self-limiting that is really important because that repeated exposure escalates the emotions and escalates the feelings.”

Nieto said she recognizes how upsetting the images on TV and social media can be.

“It’s terrifying for me and I’m an adult,” she said. “It’s very terrifying for kids to see it.”

“Acknowledge that there may be a little bit of extra help that is needed …

Nieto said she “always has conversations” with her daughters about tragedies like today’s, but is struggling for what to say in the wake of yet another shooting.

“This is very upsetting for them to have to hear about this again, because it happens all the time now,” she said.

Older children in particular may have concerns because the Las Vegas concert shooting happened so soon after the May 22 bombing at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England, killed 22 and left more than 100 injured.

“Parents who are up front with their kids about these kinds of things, their kids tend to do better than parents who try to hide these things,” she said. “Talk about safety issues and what we do to keep our families safe, what we do to keep each other safe and what communities do to keep us safe.”

Both Gurwitch and Beers advised parents find ways they and their children can help those affected by the shooting, like first responders.

“Little children can draw pictures and older children or teens can write letters,” Gurwitch said. “Sending these to Las Vegas Police, EMS, Fire and/or local responders to thank them for what they do every day can help children feel that they have taken a positive action and the boost to responders is priceless.”

Nieto described one reaction she had to the shooting as being scared to “go anywhere” out in public.

“It terrifies me to even go to the store, especially with my children,” she said. “Because you never know who has a gun these days.”

Gurwitch shared language parents like Nieto can use to reassure both themselves and their children that it is safe to continue life as normal, while being alert to safety issues.

She recommends parents say something like: “I also know that there are a lot of people that this is their job to keep us safe, so I’m going to continue to do the things that we like.”

If parents and caregivers notice children are overly worried or having trouble focusing at school or at home, Gurwitch said to not delay in reaching out for help, and to have patience.

“Acknowledge that there may be a little bit of extra help that is needed with homework, care and attention around bedtime, and that’s true for younger children as well as teenagers,” she said. “If you don’t know what to do or what to say, there are people you can turn to ask what you can do for your child.”

Gurwitch and Beers recommend as resources for parents, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, school counselors, family physicians and local mental health counselors.

Child Life in Private Practice: Supporting Parents and Children through Medical Encounters

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Studies show that children who are prepared for medical procedures recover faster with less emotional stress. Even routine procedures such as vaccinations can cause children undue stress and lead to treatment noncompliance and avoidance of medical care. Children require developmentally appropriate information about what they will see, feel, hear, taste and smell that will prepare them without overwhelming them. Through hands on demonstration and guided play, I can prepare you and your child for medical encounters, and coach you both in coping strategies. Calm, informed parents are the best support for their children when facing routine and unexpected medical visits and hospitalizations.

I am pleased to announce the expansion of my private practice as a Child Life Coach on the upper east side in Manhattan. Child life specialists are trained in child development, education, anatomy, health care systems, family systems, ethnocultural issues, advocacy, and bereavement. In and out of hospitals, we help children and families prepare for and adjust to medical encounters by providing education, medical play, support,  coaching and advocacy.

Here are several of the services I offer to parents & schools:

  • Coaching and Support for Parents in::
    • how to prepare their cildren for medical events, from routine wellness appointments to surgery or long term treatment.

    • how to support siblings when a child is ill

    • how to support children through a parent’s serious illness.

    • Child centered play skills to caregivers who wish to connect more with children in this digital age.

    • In home preparation for elective medical, diagnostic, and surgical procedures.

    • Workshops: Please see my listing on Cottage Class Parents As Heroes: Supporting Children Through Medical Encounters
  • Professional Development: Training and Support for Teachers
    • How to support your class (school) when a student faces illness and loss

    • Child-centered play techniques

    • Emotionally responsive teaching

    • State mandated child abuse detection and reporting

  • Video Conference Consultation and Support
    • If traveling is an issue, I am available through video chat to support parents at a distance

More information about my practice can be found on my website at  debvilas.com, and please take the time to like my FaceBook page at Pediaplay

I greatly appreciate any referrals to parents and caregivers who need this kind of support. I can be reached at debvilasconsult@gmail.com

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All the best,

Deb

Deborah Vilas, MS, CCLS, LMSW

Follow me on Twitter:  @DeborahVilas at Twitter

CLC Video with Deb Vilas Appearance: That’s Child Life!

Child Life Uniting for All Children

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This morning we woke up to a new normal, which includes a stark awareness about the level of bifurcation in our country. Some folks are celebrating the prospect of change  — some are very afraid about what this change might mean for their future. There is no question that we face an enormous task in figuring out how to work for the common good when many of us have differing views of what that good should look like.

I believe that Child Life Specialists are uniquely poised to address this rift. We reach out  from a strength-based, cooperative front, moving forward from a place of deep inquiry, witnessing and advocacy for those in our care. No matter what our political beliefs, we know the value of the developmental interaction approach. We meet the needs of children and families first by asking what their needs are, then by listening and validating, and then by empowering them to find expressive outlets and coping strategies to address these needs. We facilitate children’s inner abilities to make meaning out of their individual path to healing, whatever that may look like. We do all of this while taking into account the child’s developmental needs and the family’s resources and cultural beliefs. These beliefs often conflict with our own, but we consciously choose to serve our patients with kindness and respect, despite our differences. We seek the common denominator of humanity to find common ground to work from.

We also do this, side by side with medical staff, who often see things very differently than we do. We work in an interdisciplinary fashion to cooperate within the system, being positive members of the team while we gently, firmly advocate for some approaches that may be outside the present medical culture. We make mistakes. We stumble and fall. But we learn from them, reflect upon them with bravery, and get up and try again.

So, let us remind ourselves of the tool kit we have right at hand. Our training. Our leadership skills. Our humanity. Our deep desire to serve and make the world better. Let’s make sure that every staff member we work with, every child in our care, every family member, feels safe and respected within the healthcare environment. Let us ask how they feel, listen to what they tell us, and provide witnessing and reassurance that we will do whatever possible to ensure that their safety and comfort, no matter their color, socioeconomic status, country of origin, religion, gender, sexual orientation or family makeup.

A resource: What do we tell the children?

We can do this.

“Peace in my heart brings peace to my family. Peace in my family brings peace to my community. Peace in my community brings peace to my nation. Peace in my nation brings peace to my world. Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”  (As Spoken at the Sacred Center- Manhattan, NY)

 

And listen to this:

Van Morrison Till we get the healing done

International Job Opportunity!

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NEWS FLASH!!!

My colleague, Siobhan Green, is looking for an experienced child life specialist to join their team in Australia. Here is Siobhan’s contact info and the job description. https://rch.mercury.com.au/ViewPosition.aspx?id=E2AK6pAarjo=&jbc=ere

Siobhan Greene
Senior Educational Play Therapist
Educational Play Therapy
50 Flemington Road Parkville 3052 Victoria
Telephone: 9345 5571 Ascom: 52457 Fax: 9349 1546
www.rch.org.au

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